Raj Girn: We continue our week theme of mindset and clarity and mark International Women’s Day week. The day itself, as you guys know, passed on Monday. But something as important as celebrating the journey to empowerment by women, in my opinion at least, requires a week-long celebration. Am I right, guys? You know it. All right. So part two of How To Use Mindset & Collaboration To Boss Up Your Life! has my guests, serial entrepreneur Ky-Lee Hanson and multi-platinum recording artist Mia Martina, leave nothing off the table.
Here is Part Two of our conversation:
Let’s talk a little bit about another theme that really comes up in the book, and that is the importance of collaboration over competition. Now, I know this is a big theme for you ladies and for this book. So I want to ask you guys, first of all, Ky-Lee, what does this mean? What is this concept of collaboration over competition even mean today?
Ky-Lee: To see how you can help other people and how they can help you, instead of having the scarcity mindset where we think that there’s not enough to go around or thinking we have to step on other people to get to where we want to be, because that is just not true. There is enough for all of us and we can achieve more when we work together. And we don’t have to worry about holding on to our precious ideas. It’s so much better when we feel safe and can create together and share together in a collaborative atmosphere.
So why is that important? Mia?
Mia: Well, honestly, it’s so important because I’m going to tell you why. Me being the talent and for, first and foremost, a lot of people always forget about the team behind you and who’s behind you, because without them, I am nobody. I am not more important than anybody. And it’s so important. I want to highlight how important it is for my team to be at the same level as me because there is no me, there is no Ky-Lee. There is essentially probably no you Raj without your team, right?
M: It’s so important that we acknowledge this and know this, and appreciate that we all have a job to do and it’s so much better when we can collaborate because there is something on this Earth for each and every one of us. There’s abundance in everything. So that’s why I was so keen on doing this book with Ky-Lee because without Ky-Lee there is no this and without a little Mia, there is no this. That’s why it’s important to remember that.
Oh my God, I totally love everything about what both of you guys just shared there. But here’s one thing that I want to bring to the table because it’s a reality.
I think this is why your book is even more important today than it ever has been, especially with the idea of what people think or perceive reality to be with social media being so prevalent and with the lockdown and the shutdowns and everything. People are even more invested in this “fake sense of reality or identity” that’s happening out there.
So I want to ask you guys another question about the competition piece. This idea of needing to be in competition with other women is still very much in the underbelly of conditioning amongst women because there’s always this idea of needing or wanting to be prettier, more successful, more popular. And the list just goes on and on. I personally believe this is because as women, we are taught to think from a limiting belief perspective where there are only a few spots for women. I mean, men don’t have this, but women have this idea that there can only be a couple of women that sit at the top of any given industry.
My idea is that the perspective should always be from an abundance perspective. Because with that comes this idea, this concept that you guys are talking about, around collaboration rather than the competition, that we’re able to amplify each other’s success. Growing together is a lot easier than being that one person that’s trying to track through the wilderness. I feel that a lot of this limiting belief system that women in our gender over the years and the ages have had has a lot to do with society and culture and religion, which is imprinted in our minds consciously and into our souls subconsciously. I really do believe that. I love to look at history and I really do feel that one sentence sums it up for me.
“Collaboration rather than competition, means that we’re able to amplify each other’s success. Growing together is a lot easier than being that one person that’s trying to track through the wilderness.” ~Raj Girn
What are your thoughts, ladies, in terms of how you address this, especially as it’s related to your book, this whole idea of being able to surpass the notion of competition because there can only be one or two of us women up the top, over let’s see how many of us can group together and rise together and show the world that women can do anything? Let’s start with you first, Mia.
M: Well, honestly, I think that it all depends on your circle. I can’t fix how you think. So I don’t want to be around a woman that wants to be in competition with me. Simple. That’s how I avoid it. If you’re still there, that means you’re not at my frequency because I don’t see you as a competition. I don’t see any woman as a competition. So until you’re at that frequency, we can’t do anything together. I’m sorry. You have a lot of self-development to do in this day and age. There’s room for all of us to win. We’re all beautiful. We all have something to offer. So that’s kind of my take on that.
Absolutely. And Ky-Lee, do you have anything to add to that? Do you agree or disagree? What are your thoughts on that?
That’s true. If we’re wanting to make change and influence people positively, sometimes, or all the time, that requires setting healthy boundaries so that you are working in and harnessing a really good feminine collective energy, and that it is going to inspire and trickle out to other people. But we can’t go around trying to help and fix everybody. I tried to do that and it doesn’t work. So we need to focus on ourselves so that we have a cup to pour from and just really focus on the mission ahead. I think it has a lot to do with history and society and how we’ve lived under masculine energy for so long.
“We all have masculine and feminine energy in us, we just need to let that feminine energy out. And we need men to make space for us because we’re coming.” ~Ky-Lee Hanson
We are, girlfriend. We are here.
M: Good point. We are here, exactly. But it’s so true because if you look at all the shows, especially I’ve been watching these shows on Netflix, like from ‘The Crown,’ ‘Rain,’ it’s all about this. It’s what’s been shaping us. So now we have to break the cycle.
Absolutely. It’s really interesting because there are so many astrological, spiritual and numerological concepts and thoughts around why the feminine energy by women has been kept down, and why these ideas of how we’ve created society around the ideology of bringing up the man and pulling down the woman exists. I think that I need to bring you both on to have that discussion because there’s just so much to talk about. We are all sitting in the age of Aquarius, things are shifting, things are turning.
And this whole idea around collaboration and sitting with the importance of that having a success mindset, two very fundamental concepts in your book, I think is going to be extremely valuable for anyone that is trying to figure out, but how do I do this? So I’m curious before we move on, when you’ve ever come across women that don’t sit in your frequency, where you guys believe in collaboration and working with like-minded people, how have you dealt with that? Let me ask you first, Ky-Lee.
K: To be honest, when I experienced that, I felt heartbreak. I felt like it’s unnecessary. I want to see everybody. When I want to feel safe, I want to make other people feel safe. So it’s taken me until now to really reflect on those situations and learn from them and start to really learn about human behaviour and learn more about myself. Because the more I learn about myself, the more that I learn about other people because we’re all people. So now I just keep my girls close that I’m working on projects with. And I take time to get to know somebody before I totally jump in now. So those healthy boundaries, again, that I mentioned.
Absolutely. You need to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else, right? Absolutely. And what about you, Mia? What do you do? Because I know you must face it like crazy in the industry you’re in.
M: I’ve lost so many people, so many friends. Well, they weren’t really friends. They were fake friends. Because I have that impact that I want to help everybody, too, because I always look at myself and I’m so blessed, you know? But then I forget why I’m blessed. Because I work hard. So we tend to forget that. It’s just been a big learning experience, like what Ky-Lee is saying. I need to learn that I cannot help everybody and I can’t impose myself on somebody that’s not willing to learn or change their ways. I can’t do that because they’re going to look at me and not like me, because they’re not open to receive those things. So again, it’s all about having boundaries and surrounding yourself with like-minded people. And it’s taken me like, you know, I’m in my 30s now. Can you give me a long time to learn that? But I’m here and since I’ve been moving that way, things have been flowing a lot easier.
” I need to learn that I cannot help everybody and I can’t impose myself on somebody that’s not willing to learn or change their ways. It’s all about having boundaries and surrounding yourself with like-minded people.” ~Mia Martina
Absolutely. It’s all about the energy piece, right, ladies? That’s a recurring theme that I’m hearing going on in our conversation. As well, is just marrying your frequency with people that are aligned with where you’re at, rather than allowing your energy and frequency to go down to where they are. What I mean is, that’s the other thing we tend to do as women, because we’re taught that we have to always nurture and allow ourselves to maybe do things that we don’t want to do. Because a lot of the conditioning that we’ve had as women has been that we have to do things together. Sometimes that means we have to give up a piece of who we are. But what I’m hearing you guys say here is that you can do all those things without giving up who you are. That’s the key lesson that I’m learning through this.
Guys, if you are just stepping into this conversation, I want you to rewind this back and watch it from the beginning because you’re missing out on all of the valuable insights that the experience of these incredible women is bringing out in this book. The book is called ‘Boss Up Your Life: A Girl’s Guide to Her Dream Career,’ and this is a collaboration between Mia and Ky-Lee. The book is a really great example of how women who are very successful can work together. The idea of collaboration over competition is something that you guys are showing just by collaborating within this book, that it’s something that can be achieved. So let me ask you guys this: Why did you decide that you wanted to come together and collaborate on this particular project? Mia, do you want to answer that?
M: Yeah. Honestly, I’m a big fan of what Ky-Lee is doing. I look where she comes from and I see a lot of me in her and I just want to support her. I want to see her soar, to see her win with everything that I have, because she’s such a beautiful person inside and out, and she deserves all the success that has come for her. So, I just wanted to put her out there, push her and make her a household name, because I’m a fan of her.
I love that of. Oh, my gosh! How do you feel about that, Ky-Lee? What a beautiful love fest that I can feel happening here that you guys are sharing with everyone here. How does it make you feel when you see a woman that we all deem to be successful saying these things about you? How does it make you feel? Because this is another thing that we don’t do as women, acknowledge the fact that we’re getting love from our fellow women. What are your thoughts on that?
K: Yeah, it warms my heart. Just how I said when you see people trying to compete with you or take you down, it just breaks your heart. So it’s motivating. And it’s that word again, it makes you feel safe. And that’s what we need to do as women. We need to make each other feel safe.
Absolutely. So can you tell me why you decided to collaborate with Mia on this? I’m curious.
K: We were working on another project and the content shifted to this. And we were having a writing session and she said, “no, I want to work with you.” And we came together and just built a really great friendship over the years. This subject matter is just what we talk about all the time. So it was a really natural fit and we wanted to be able to inspire young women. So the way that we wrote the book was it’s really general, but also showing our stories, too, and the similarities and the differences.
I want to tell you what I feel about your collaboration. I feel that it really shows the wide diversity of what women can actually accomplish if they set their minds to it. So on one side, we have you, Ky-Lee, a very successful entrepreneur, publisher. And on the other side, Mia, we have you. You have really honed your craft in the music arena. And when I look at the both of you, you would think that the paths for women like you wouldn’t typically cross, but they do, because what it’s all about here is aligning your value system with each other.
And I think that’s the other key that a lot of women don’t look at. What they look at are the differences versus the similarities between them. And you guys are a pure example of how your differences actually come together really well in the collaboration. And those things that align with you are what makes that collaboration strong. That’s how I feel about what I’m listening to what you guys are saying. How do you guys feel about that?
M: Oh, yeah, completely on point.
K: And as Mia was saying, that you have to celebrate your team, and her and I, we do celebrate each other and we are busy doing our other things. So now we have this together. We’re each picking up some of the work and that’s how we’re able to do so many different things because we know, we have each other’s back and we can each shine in different areas.
M: A hundred percent. Because we both have our areas of expertise. So it works perfectly, if I lack in something, Kylie is going to pick me up and vice versa.
I love that. And that’s really what collaboration is all about, right, ladies? So let me ask you guys, why did you decide that this book was going to be a guidebook of sorts? Why did you decide to go down that road? Either of you can answer that.
M: All right, Ky-Lee I’ll let you do your thing.
K: I think it has a lot to do with us just really tapping into and being aware that we are on a journey. We want to help other women or anyone that wants to read this book on their journey. So if we can be some sort of a guide along with that, that’s what we’re here to do. We’re not here to necessarily lead. It’s not a book to dictate. It’s not a how-to book. It’s not a book just about us. It’s really a book about how to move you through from getting from point A to point B.
I love that. So the final thing that I actually want to touch upon is this idea about self-leadership. This is something that you guys really show up on. And I wanted to ask you both what your idea is behind that. Ky-Lee, do you want to hit that up first? For the uninitiated out there, what is this concept called self-leadership?
K: There’s so many things about it. It’s definitely making a commitment to yourself and being honest with yourself and seeing what your strengths and opportunities are, and moving forward, pulling yourself, not waiting for somebody to show up and save you or to do the work for you. Because that’s not going to stick and that’s not going to make you successful. It’s not going to make you be the person that you’re wanting to be. And that’s what it’s really about. If you want to be something and do something, you have to get yourself there.
“[Self-leadership] is definitely making a commitment to yourself and being honest with yourself and seeing what your strengths and opportunities are, and moving forward, pulling yourself, not waiting for somebody to show up and save you or to do the work for you.” ~Ky-Lee Hanson
Absolutely, I completely agree, and a lot of self-discipline, a lot of the work that you guys have spoken about already. The other themes that you guys touched upon, the collaboration piece, the success mindset piece, these all tie into this idea of self-leadership. So I wanted to ask you, Mia, why is it important in society today as a woman to focus on self-leadership?
M: It’s so important because you don’t want anything that you have worked on, your whole entire life to be taken away from you. You own that, so you better learn how to run your business, love your business, love yourself enough to not hand the keys over to your business ever.
“My number one thing for every girl that’s watching here is to get your mindset right and learn how to invest your money from a very early age and you`ll be good to go.” ~Mia Martina
I love that. You know, incidentally, I wanted to ask you guys, is this a book that would be good for men to maybe figure out women?
M: I think men can take a lot from this book. I’m not sure if they’ll be able to figure us out more because it’s not really that vibe, but it’s definitely good. It’s a great business handbook. I think men can definitely take from it as well.
Right. A lot of the concepts that you guys talk about aren’t really gender-specific. I mean, there definitely are things that men could really heed, even though your brand is more female-centric. I totally get that. And I get why because we need as much support as we can get and give to each other. There’s that two-way street. How do you feel about that Ky-Lee?
This whole idea of the two-way street is, I think, the biggest theme that’s coming out of our conversation and even why you guys decided to do this book. It’s almost like you guys want to pay it forward. You want those people that are entering, those girls are entering the entrepreneurial work arena, to maybe not have to go through some of the trials and tribulations that you guys went through. Maybe they can have it a little bit easier because they can learn from your experiences and the things you’re sharing in this book. What are your thoughts around that, Ky-Lee?
K: Yeah, one of the first things that we wrote down for this book, and it starts off the book is, “Be the woman that you needed when you were younger.” That sets the whole tone of the book. So all of the adversity that we faced when we were younger is what we wrote about. And we wrote in a general enough way that there is something in it for everybody, regardless of your gender or your age. And it’s just if you’re making changes in your life, there is something in there for you.
I love that. And I’m curious to ask you something before we close out our conversation, even though I don’t want to because I feel like there’s so much more we can talk about. I wanted to ask you guys, who are some of the female avatars, maybe in history, maybe today in your personal and or professional growth, that you look up to? Mia, do you want to tackle that one first?
M: I have to think about this one.
There’s so many, right? There’s so many.
M: There are so many. But I really like J.Lo. I think Jennifer Lopez is great. I like how she’s fearless. And she’s just showing women, no matter at what age you are, you can do it all. There is no limit and you can look beautiful doing it as well. So she definitely comes to my mind.
Absolutely. And how about you, Kylie? Can you top that girlfriend?
K: Well, politics has been a really big topic the last few years, especially since all the women that are taking it on. All of that is really impressive and how they keep calm. I’m also a really big fan of Gwen Stefani. I love how she has so many different types of businesses and she switches her music genres, but you still like it. She’s just so cool, so influential to me as a young girl.
You know, it’s interesting that you guys shared these particular ladies, because as much as we look at the most powerhouses, as extremely successful women, as great role models for us to coin our lives on, they’ve also had many trials and tribulations and extreme vulnerabilities, and they’ve never lost sight of who they are as women. And I say, “women,” because oftentimes when you look at successful women, you feel like you have to lose or dampen your femininity. But they have excelled because of it. I think that’s a huge takeaway as well, for anyone out there that’s listening in that, especially in corporate careers, you just mentioned, Ky-Lee, politics, right? Do we have to dampen who we are from the feminine side in order to be able to rise up and say, “I am a strong, fearless woman and I’m going to be able to do all the things that I want to do because I’m going to do the work around the mindset piece and the collaboration piece and the self-leadership piece, all of the themes that your book talks about? Do you guys have any final thoughts that you’d like to share? Perhaps anything that I haven’t touched upon, that you’d like people to know about the book? Mia, you want to go first?
M: Honestly, we’ve touched on a lot of things, and I think my message is simple. Ladies, girls, again, there is nothing that you cannot achieve and there is help out there for you. There are women like me and Ky-Lee that want to see you and want to help you on your journey. You are supported. You are loved. Reach out to us. That’s what we want you to know. We are open, so reach out to us. It’s our pleasure to help you. If you show me you’re dedicated and you want this, I got you.
“Ladies, girls, again, there is nothing that you cannot achieve and there is help out there for you.” ~Mia Martina
I love that. And how about you, Kylie?
K: Yeah, and also, don’t be afraid to learn. Learning can be painful, but just start doing it. Just pick up a book. Pick up our book, and anything that inspires you and that you feel interested in. Just explore it a little bit and see what happens.
Are there any mantras that you guys follow? Ky-Lee is there any saying or something that you follow to bring yourself back up from feeling defeated? Is there anything that you could share with us about what you do or where you go or what you hear or what you read?
K: In business and career, I often say “take care of the business and the business takes care of you.” So when I’m feeling like I just know that if my business needs something and I do it for it, it’s going to come back to me and take care of it. So I say that a lot to get me through.
“Take care of the business and the business takes care of you” ~Ky-Lee Hanson
I love that. And Mia, you know I’m going to take you here. Being that you are a recording artist, is there a song, that brings you back into your power?
M: There’s a lot of songs. It depends on the vibe.
Well, hey, girlfriend, we don’t have any rating here, so you can, share whatever you want.
M: Oh, my God. Well, honestly, this is a tough question.
Let me ask you another question then. If you are getting ready to get pumped and you’re getting ready to go out there and perform, is there a song that you’ll typically always put on that will get you revved up?
M: I’ll probably put on some Mariah Carey,.
Really, you wouldn’t put any Mia Martina, girlfriend?
M: No. I hear my songs too much. No, in my mind I want to sing like Mariah. I want to let it all out.
I love that. Ladies, thank you so much for joining me in this really important, relevant conversation. I want to close off by throwing to your socials. Can you guys share how people can get a hold of you? Mia?
M: Yes, I’m on all platforms, but the best platform to keep up with me is definitely Instagram @princessMiaMartina. So, yes, shoot me a DM.
And how about you, Kylie?
K: Yeah, same Instagram. I am @KylLeeHansonBossWoman.
Brilliant. Thank you so much, ladies. It’s been such a pleasure chatting with you and hanging out with you, and I really encourage everyone to go and preorder that book. It’s coming out on April 8th. It is called ‘Boss Up Your Life: A Girl’s Guide to Her Dream Career.’ So whether you’re a woman looking to level up or a man looking to figure out how to support your woman, yes, this book is equally important for both genders. Go pick up a copy. Thank you so much, ladies.
Thank you so much, Raj. You’re so lovely. Thank you.
Thank you so much for staying till the end, guys. I really hope you enjoyed the show and will action the many insights that were shared. I also hope that you’ll hop online to grab their book ‘Boss Up Your Life: A Girl’s Guide to Her Dream Career,’ which is available for presale now.
If you found the show helpful, I’m so glad. I would love your support by subscribing to this podcast on your Apple and Android platforms. Search ‘The Transform Your Confidence Show’ on our YouTube channel at The Open Chest® Confidence Academy. And if you’re an avid reader like I am, we’ve also transcribed every podcast into a blog which you can access at the OpenChestConfidenceAcademy.com/media/our-media. And also please hop on over to our private Facebook group at Transform Your Confidence where there are networking opportunities as well as knowledge and resources about mindset, media, communications, branding, marketing, leadership and advocacy, my areas of expertise for busy executives and entrepreneurs who are seeking to elevate the quality of their life. You know, you’ve got to be there.
Thanks for tuning in, guys. Until the next episode, remember to be kind to yourself and also remember how important it is for you to be kind to others. You owe it to yourself to be the best that you can be, but you also owe it to others to make it count. I hope you’ll sit with this until next time. I hope you’ll have a great rest of your week.
🌺 Ky-Lee Hanson: @KylLeeHansonBossWoman
🌺 Mia Martina: @princessMiaMartina